Toxic Empathy Could Cause a Root Canal

Could you unintentionally be holding yourself or your kids back by caring TOO much?

I went to a new dentist yesterday and phew, am I glad I did!

My friend opened up her new practice, and although it was a 10-minute longer drive, it was worth the experience. The office was beautiful, welcoming, and made you feel like you’d be comfortable. COMFORTABLE! That’s not a word you often toss around when thinking about a dental office, yet here I was.

The last dentist I went to was nice. He was a gentle guy with a good bedside manner. But that niceness was the problem.

I needed someone who strong-armed me a little bit into doing the right thing and getting some cavities filled. For the past few years, the cavities had been there, but they hadn’t been progressing. They also weren’t bugging me. The estimated total of the bill, combined with the trauma I’d had after not being able to get numb and STILL getting a cavity filled when I lived in Denmark, left me putting off this treatment for as long as possible.

But then, my friend opened her new practice. She’d been our hygienist at our old dentist, and I loved her gentle touch, so we followed her to the new location. She convinced me to undergo the procedure and promised me that I would be well taken care of.

Yesterday was the day. I dropped my kids off with my mom and off I went, prepared to be a brave trooper in that chair.

But then, a problem arose. The new dentist couldn’t access my records that the old dentist had sent over. I needed new X-rays.

After taking those X-rays, the dentist walked back into the office and told me matter-of-factly that I couldn’t really get away with just one filling if I wanted to do things right. I needed to do all three that were in the same area.

His confidence made me feel more confident in my decision.

There was no more wait-and-see mentality.

Although he mentioned that it was my mouth and my decision, I could tell what the right choice was by his confidence in viewing the X-rays.

So, off I went, getting three cavities filled that had been on my mind and in my mouth for years.

After a relatively painless experience (I didn’t even feel the numbing needle going into my mouth, it was that good!), I drove back to pick up my kids and thought:

Toxic empathy could’ve caused me a root canal.

While the other dentist meant well with his approach, had I continued to wait, I could’ve had a root canal or a tooth extraction. Neither option sounds very nice, does it?

Instead, I listened to my friend, who was empathetic but assertive.

I listened to the dentist, who was caring yet confident.

As homeschool parents, toxic empathy could cause our kids more long-term pain if we’re not careful.

The challenge with homeschooling is this: You love your kids more than anyone else in the world ever could.

Sometimes that love spills over into so much empathy that you don’t force your kids to power through the hard times.

Sometimes that love comes across as a permission slip to avoid rather than to actively push through.

Sometimes that love comes through as so caring, the children lack confidence in their ability to do.

And sometimes, we just get the work done for them because it’s just too hard to watch them wrestle.

This isn’t true of every parent or homeschool teacher. 99% of the time, we love helping them wrangle a monumental challenge or push them to do better. Still, there are moments when watching them struggle just becomes too much, and toxic empathy rears its ugly head. It’s in those moments that we have to snap on our latex gloves, be the confident voice in the room about what’s best for their future, and then stand back while they make the right choices for themselves.

We’re their guiding posts, and that job requires firmness, resolve, and a calm confidence that’ll get them to the best choices for them.

And aren’t we lucky we get to approach their education through THAT lens?

Homeschooling has never been about making their lives easier. It’s been about making their lives healthier and stronger…

…and that starts with how we help them weigh the choices for their future and the consequences of their actions.

In other words: Will it be a root canal tomorrow or a cavity today? It’s your future, but you get to decide.